More divorcing couples are choosing mediation to end their marriage rather than the “traditional” litigated route. That’s not just because mediation is typically less expensive and faster. A mediated divorce can help couples preserve an amicable relationship, which is crucial if they have children or other common interests, like a business or charitable or community work. It also provides for greater privacy than a divorce that has multiple court filings.
A mediated divorce isn’t a viable option for all couples. Since it requires them to work together to negotiate their various agreements, it requires some level of respect and civility. If there’s been abuse in the marriage or even if one spouse overwhelms or intimidates the other, it’s not recommended. The same is true if there’s been financial fraud or other things that have created significant and valid trust issues or if there’s ongoing substance abuse by one or both spouses.
It’s crucial for spouses to understand when mediation is a viable option and when it’s not. That means separating fact from fiction. Several key myths or misconceptions about mediation prevent some couples from even considering it when, in fact, they could potentially navigate a mediated divorce with the right support.
Myth: Only amicable divorces can be mediated
In fact, divorcing spouses using mediation can have a lot of negative feelings about each other, as long as they can put those to the side and focus on working out fair agreements regarding their children, shared property and support. Part of a mediator’s job is to help prevent couples from letting old grievances get in the way of productive negotiation
Myth: The only way to get a fair settlement is to go to court with a legal team
In fact, participating in a mediated divorce doesn’t mean not having legal guidance. Each spouse can and should retain their own legal professional to advise them. They can also consult with professionals in other areas – separately or together. Experienced mediators will help guide divorcing spouses toward agreements they both believe are fair. It’s been found that there’s little difference between asset division in mediated divorces and litigated ones in both equitable distribution states like Michigan and community property states.
Determining whether a mediated divorce is the best option – and a workable one – isn’t always easy. Talking with experienced mediators before making this decision can help.