The feelings that spouses bring to their divorce can make all the difference in how smoothly the process goes – and how closely each one gets to their individual goals. A willingness to work together productively to settle everything from asset division to child custody matters is essential for couples who want to use alternatives to litigation such as mediation or collaborative divorce.
This can be difficult to do when spouses aren’t even on the same page about whether the marriage should end. Even when spouses agree that the marriage is unsustainable the way it is, the sometimes feel differently about whether they should continue to try to work toward a happy marriage or go their separate ways.
This is where discernment counseling can help. It’s important to understand that this isn’t marriage counseling. Couples may have already spent months or years is marriage counseling before moving to discernment counseling, which typically lasts for only a few sessions.
How does discernment counseling work?
During these sessions, a couple talks with a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) with special training in discernment counseling. One key purpose, as one certified discernment counselor puts it, is to “explore each of their needs and concerns for the future as they move down the path of divorce.”
This can help spouses better understand each other’s feelings about ending the marriage. It may help the spouse who’s more hesitant about taking that step see that it’s what’s best for both of them and for their children.
As noted, discernment counseling can help pave the way for a non-litigated and peaceful divorce that’s less time-consuming, costly and disruptive for their children. By better understanding each other’s wishes for and concerns about the future, it can also minimize conflicts when working out the terms of their divorce.