“What do you mean, am I alright? Of course, I’m not alright; I am in the middle of a divorce.” If you find yourself saying something like this, remember that emotions can run high when ending your marriage. Try and control them to make the process more efficient and get the outcome you need.
These are some things to remember when heading for meetings about your divorce:
- Business is business: When it comes to settling your divorce, forget about things like love. Treat negotiations like you would any business transaction. Rely on facts and figures rather than emotions.
- You are not to blame: Statistics suggest around half of all marriages end in divorce. Taking a guilt trip, or wondering what people will think of you is wasted energy.
- Use your energy wisely: Imagine writing a thought timetable for your week. Decide how much time you wish to spend thinking about your spouse and the issues involved in your divorce. Do you want to spend every waking second thinking about them, or do you want to allocate specific blocks of time for them, and keep the rest for better things?
- You are not your thoughts: Mindfulness teachers suggest you try to watch thoughts come into your head. Once you realize they are separate, you can control them, rather than letting them control you.
- Things will improve: Focus on the future. Yes, things may not be enjoyable right now, but they will get better. Divorce is merely a necessary step along the way.
- Be grateful: Divorce is not the end of the world, even though it may feel like it. It is merely the end of a stage in your life. Years from now, you will look back and realize that it happened for a reason. Everything does.
Seek legal help to understand how mediation can make for a less emotional divorce. Going through a divorce doesn’t have to lead to litigation — there are other options to pursue.